Faith and Family

I know of no other topic discussed among Christians that is as controversial as clothing choices. (And I may live to regret the day I decided to broach the subject on my blog! :)) My own friends’ preferences vary widely, and I think there’s a range of freedom in Christ that we all have to follow our consciences and bring glory to God through our different choices. But I think the topic deserves much prayer and constant evaluation by every Christian woman.

Why should it matter what we wear in public? I can think of several reasons:

1. Everything we do (even eating and drinking) should be done for the glory of God. (I Corinthians 10:31)

2. God wants us to be “chaste.” (Titus 2:4-5) That involves keeping certain sights “on reserve” for your husband or your future husband.

3. Christian women ought to show love for our brothers in Christ by not tempting them to lust at us. (Romans 14:13) Yes, our Christian brothers need to discipline themselves to not sin in their hearts, but we can show love by not making it so difficult for them. (In some cases, they cannot possibly look at a woman at all without seeing something they should not see. This puts them in an awkward position, for sure.)

As women, wired a bit differently than men in some ways, it can be hard to understand what types of clothing do/don’t present a detrimental distraction for men. You may be wondering, “So, should I just wear a turtleneck covered with a burlap sack that reaches the floor for the rest of my life?” No, that would be a bit extreme. To help you make balanced choices, check out this survey:

http://www.therebelution.com/modestysurvey/

Hundreds of Christian men answered this survey to help us understand exactly what types of things can cause a distraction. Note: This was NOT a “fundamentalist” survey. The hundreds of men who responded to this survey most likely came from a broad range of evangelical Christianity.

May God give you wisdom as you seek to bring Him glory in everything!

Today I was searching for verses that address specific struggles my preschool children face as they’re learning to obey and show kindness to others. I’m assembling a document that Dan and I can use when teaching and disciplining. We’d much rather use Biblical language (”When your brother yells at you, use a soft answer in return.” than “When your brother yells at you, don’t yell back.”) when we can.

Well, my study took a bit of a detour, because I kept finding verses that apply to ME! (So now we have a “Mommy and Daddy” document going too…)  Look at these verses from Proverbs 15 in the context of parenting, and see if you aren’t as convicted as I am!

Prov. 15

1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. 2 The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly… 4 A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.13 A glad heart makes a cheerful face, but by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed.…17 Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a fattened ox and hatred with it. 18 A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.… 22 Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed. 23 To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is!… 28 The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things. 29 The LORD is far from the wicked, but he hears the prayer of the righteous.

Wow! Did you know that Olive Garden has recipes on their website? Check it out: http://www.olivegarden.com/recipes/recipe_search/

I’ve never known of a restaurant giving away their tasty secrets before. Now, if only I could persuade India Palace in Lawrence, Kansas to give me their Chicken Tikka Masala recipe. (The letter I sent them, begging for the recipe didn’t work….)

An interview at SharperIron the other day caught my eye. Hebrew scholar Phillip Brown explains how digging into the meaning of the Hebrew words helped him to understand Deuteronomy 6:7 better. The verse reads:

“You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.”

Dr. Brown explains that the Hebrew word for “teach” can be translated as “repeat.” So, in essence, you need to teach your children principles from the Word of God over…and over…and over again for them to actually sink in and take root. I wish I would’ve comprehended this idea a little earlier. You see, I was an “expert” parent before I actually had kids. I figured it took about three times of repetition to teach a young child to say please, obey right away, share toys, etc. When I saw others’ children disobeying or being unkind, I haughtily thought that my future children would do better, thanks to my amazing grasp on child training. (Ugh. Please pass the barf bag….)

And then I had children.

I was discouraged and figured I must’ve been doing something wrong. I had repeatedly taught my daughter how to pick up her toys, and she still was getting distracted easily without help. I had repeatedly followed all the potty-training advice I could find, and my daughter was still not getting it. A wise friend told me to just keep at it. It wasn’t that I was doing anything wrong; it just takes time–more time than I had realized.

She’s four-years-old now. She’s potty-trained, she cleans her room, and she’s the sweetest daughter I’ve ever seen. There’s still lots of things we’re working on, but I now know that teaching her and her brother important truths and life skills is more than a 3-steps process. So, when it seems like they’ll never learn, I just remember: teach….repeat….repeat….etc.

It’ll come.

I’ve just GOT to share this:

http://www.charlotte.com/arts/story/578710.html

Janet is a member of our church and is a huge blessing to me. (She’s one of those “Secret Service Agents” who serves others with her life.) We’ve been to the C Grace house, and I can’t explain how spiritually uplifting the place is.

Grab the tissues!

Several years ago, on a day when I was feeling particularly grumpy, my husband (who wasn’t my husband yet) suggested we take turns naming things we’re thankful for. We went back and forth dozens of times, and the only rule to what we later dubbed “The Thankfulness Game” was that we couldn’t name something that had already been named by someone else.

We started out naming the big things: God’s love, family, housing, food, etc. But after several rounds we started thinking about some of the things in life that we usually take for granted: silly stuff like toothpaste and pillows, and awesome things like seasons, wonders of the world, and the ability to see and hear. Before long, we were not only smiling, but we were laughing at some of the silly yet wonderful ways God has blessed us—from the smallest things in life that we take for granted, to the greatest blessing of our salvation through Jesus Christ. Our God is a generous God. He doesn’t give His children just a few pleasures in life. He loads us with benefits every day.

So, when you’re feeling grumpy and full of complaints, take out a piece of paper and start writing a list of one hundred things you’re thankful for. It won’t be long before you realize that God has LOADED you with benefits.

“Psalm 68:19 “Blessed be the Lord, who daily loadeth us with benefits, even the God of our salvation. Selah.”

I received my Lands End catalog yesterday and was, once again, happy to see that they are offering some great swim suit options for people, like me, who LOVE swimming and the ocean but prefer a little more coverage in public. I bought a cute suit from Lands End a few years ago that has both a high neck and comfy swim shorts. It was the most expensive bathing suit I’ve ever bought, but the high-quality suit has the promise of lasting through several summers, and, regardless, I’ve never regretted the purchase. When the decision is between spending more than I’d care to spend and baring more than I’d care to bare, for me, the choice is obvious.

II Corinthians 1:3-7 “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5 For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. 6 If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. 7 Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.”

I was thinking about my last post, where I shared about some difficult, needy days during my last pregnancy. God has special purposes behind those shadowy times. We are more aware of our dependence on Him. We also learn how it feels to need comfort. I caught a glimpse of what it’s like to feel helpless to do all the things I’d normally be able to do. As a result, my eyes were more open to the needs of others–other morning-sick moms, elderly friends who just can’t keep up with their houses and yards the way they’d like to. I determined to meet more needs through little services and words of encouragement from Scripture. And in so doing, I’m ministering God’s comfort to others! (To think, He lets ME do that!)

Nancy over at Femina has a great post directed toward Empty Nest Homemakers. She urges mothers whose children have all grown and left home to consider serving in their churches rather than automatically opting for a job to fill all that extra time. From my beneficiary seat, I’d just like to give an “amen” to that idea!

A few years ago I had an infant and another baby on the way, and I was terribly morning sick. I remember lying on the floor, crying, and thinking, “Who can I call to help me?” I really didn’t have anyone. All my family was far away, and the norm in my church at that time was that once your children went to school, you worked. There were times when I longed to accompany my husband on business trips, but, again, finding someone who would be available to watch my children overnight was tough with the other ladies’ schedules being so full with work. During difficult times, I longed for an older woman who could take me under her wing and help me navigate the wide world of motherhood and marriage. Shortly before we moved, one lady tearfully told me that she would’ve liked to have spent more time with me, but that life was too busy.

Our current church has a bit of a different dynamic. Many of our older ladies are working, but there are a number of women who have given themselves to serve others, especially us young mothers. Some of these ladies aren’t empty nesters, but their children are in school, and these mothers are using their free time for one-on-one discipleship, group Bible studies, visits to the elderly, meals for those who need encouragement, etc. Just the other night a man in our church testified that a few of these ladies had visited his ailing mother during her last months and had been instrumental in her understanding the gospel. I smiled, and my heart was warmed as I thought of how many people those dear ladies are impacting for eternity as they minister love and compassion and bear others’ burdens. I know they’ve been a blessing to this young mama, who never lacks for a helping hand or a godly word of encouragement.

If you’re looking for a creative, inexpensive way to say, “I love you,” here’s an idea that worked for me a few years ago: I bought a box of children’s valentines, wrote a message on each one, and put my husband’s name on the envelopes. On the morning of Valentine’s Day I snuck into his office and plastered his desk, picture frames, etc. with the valentines. Everywhere you looked, there was a valentine! The cool thing was…my husband is a university professor. And when his first student of the day saw what I had done, he said something to the effect of, “I hope I marry someone who does things like this for me.” That was a pretty high compliment to me, and I know that the public display of love made my husband feel special.

What creative ideas do you have?