Faith and Family

Today I was searching for verses that address specific struggles my preschool children face as they’re learning to obey and show kindness to others. I’m assembling a document that Dan and I can use when teaching and disciplining. We’d much rather use Biblical language (”When your brother yells at you, use a soft answer in return.” than “When your brother yells at you, don’t yell back.”) when we can.

Well, my study took a bit of a detour, because I kept finding verses that apply to ME! (So now we have a “Mommy and Daddy” document going too…)  Look at these verses from Proverbs 15 in the context of parenting, and see if you aren’t as convicted as I am!

Prov. 15

1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. 2 The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly… 4 A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.13 A glad heart makes a cheerful face, but by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed.…17 Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a fattened ox and hatred with it. 18 A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.… 22 Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed. 23 To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is!… 28 The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things. 29 The LORD is far from the wicked, but he hears the prayer of the righteous.

An interview at SharperIron the other day caught my eye. Hebrew scholar Phillip Brown explains how digging into the meaning of the Hebrew words helped him to understand Deuteronomy 6:7 better. The verse reads:

“You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.”

Dr. Brown explains that the Hebrew word for “teach” can be translated as “repeat.” So, in essence, you need to teach your children principles from the Word of God over…and over…and over again for them to actually sink in and take root. I wish I would’ve comprehended this idea a little earlier. You see, I was an “expert” parent before I actually had kids. I figured it took about three times of repetition to teach a young child to say please, obey right away, share toys, etc. When I saw others’ children disobeying or being unkind, I haughtily thought that my future children would do better, thanks to my amazing grasp on child training. (Ugh. Please pass the barf bag….)

And then I had children.

I was discouraged and figured I must’ve been doing something wrong. I had repeatedly taught my daughter how to pick up her toys, and she still was getting distracted easily without help. I had repeatedly followed all the potty-training advice I could find, and my daughter was still not getting it. A wise friend told me to just keep at it. It wasn’t that I was doing anything wrong; it just takes time–more time than I had realized.

She’s four-years-old now. She’s potty-trained, she cleans her room, and she’s the sweetest daughter I’ve ever seen. There’s still lots of things we’re working on, but I now know that teaching her and her brother important truths and life skills is more than a 3-steps process. So, when it seems like they’ll never learn, I just remember: teach….repeat….repeat….etc.

It’ll come.

I was never a tomboy. Although I played softball through the Boys and Girls Club, I played outfield and hoped throughout each game that the ball wouldn’t come sailing to me. Thankfully, it rarely did. Even when I played Hot Wheel City or G.I. Joe with my brother, I turned it girly. Dolls and make-believe homemaking were my specialty. In fact, I think I was born to nurture. So, it’s no surprise that my favorite childhood book was Little Mommy by Sharon Kane. I treasure this Little Golden book. Besides a few Seuss books, this is one of the only books I still have from my childhood. I remember studying the pictures and then trying to re-enact with my own dolls the delightful scenes pictured in the book. I could be jaded by sentimentality, but I think the art is precious. I remember one time secretly swiping my infant brother’s washtub, filling it with water, and giving my dolls a bath just like the Little Mommy in the book. (I also remember my mom being not-too-happy about the water mess in my room. :))

My daughter seems to have that gift and desire for nurturing too. A year ago or more I tried to find a copy of Little Mommy to give to her. I discovered that it was a rare Little Golden Book that was highly sought-after and nearly impossible to find. So, you can imagine how delighted I was yesterday when I ran another search for it and discovered that it’s being reprinted and will be available in April! Hip-hip-hooray! (I’m just hoping they haven’t changed anything. The cover is different, although it looks like the same art. So, I’m cautiously optimistic.)

Maybe you won’t like this book as much as I do. But if you’re a 30-something girly-girl, most likely it will take you back to a simpler time and place, and it will make you want to dig all your old dolls out of your parents’ attic and celebrate with a tea party!

We’ve been focusing on loving others lately in our home, and I’d like to share with you some of the ways I’m teaching my children to be others-conscious.

1. Friendliness: I’ve got a shy daughter, and when friends at church say Hi to her she’s prone to avoid eye contact and remain silent. I was the same way, so I understand her struggle. At home we’re practicing. I pretend I’m “So-and-so” from church and greet her while she practices eye contact with a friendly response. We’re working on it. So, if you know us, and if you say Hi to my daughter and she doesn’t respond, will you mind waiting just a minute while I coach her in her ear and we work on it? Thanks!

2. Friendliness #2: It’s harder for both of us to be friendly to strangers, so we’re working on this one together. When we go to the park, I try to focus on being friendly to the moms while I encourage my children to be friendly to the other kids. When we pull up at the park, I try to remind all of us that we need to be friendly. This one’s tough for me (Remember, I said I was shy?), but my children are proving to be good accountability for me!

3. Making things for people, especially cards of thanks. My daughter also loves to string beads to make bracelets for others.

I have two great ideas from Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World by Jill Rigby. We’ve been working on these just recently:

4. Teach your children to say, “Have a good day!” to grocery clerks. My two kids and I gave this farewell to our Walmart clerk this week, and I think her smile stretched halfway across the store. Also, it made her laugh! She was laughing for as long as I could turn around and still see her. Our first attempt at this one was definitely rewarding!

5. When you pass an accident on the highway, pray with your children for the people involved.

What ideas do you have for teaching your children to love and be concerned for others?

If you’re wanting to buy your daughter a doll for Christmas, I’d recommend looking at Target. I’ve been very pleased with a few dolls that are exclusive to Target stores.

First, the Our Generation series of dolls: Click here to see the dolls and associated products. These dolls seem to be a spin-off of the American Girl doll series. They’re the same size as AG dolls, but you can get one for $20, as opposed to $90+.

And if your daughter likes Barbies but you’re a bit uncomfortable with Barbie, check these out. Only Hearts dolls are just a bit smaller than Barbies, but I think they’d work fine with Barbie-type accessories. These dolls look sweet and youthful, and they cost around $15. They have soft, malleable bodies, which could be a plus or minus, I guess.

(Disclaimers: I’m sure I don’t like ALL the accessories for these dolls. I could do without the “rocker” accessories, for instance, and I haven’t read the books that go along with the dolls. Also, I haven’t tested these dolls for quality or durability…yet.)

I’m giving Target a big thumbs up, my recommendation to others, and my business for designing and selling dolls that look sweet and are dressed appropriately. You go, Target!

Love it- hate it. That’s sort of how I felt about my thanksgiving meal this year. We had 15 special people squeezed into our kitchen. It was a mixture of family and close friends, and we surely had a feast! There was the 20-pound turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, squash, peas, broccoli quiche, homemade rolls, cranberry sauce, I’m-probably-forgetting-something-else, and 6 pies! After we all ate, it seemed that the bowls piled high with food were hardly less full than before the meal began. As the saying goes, we could’ve fed an army! I kept thinking about how the meal was like God’s goodness and mercy–full and overflowing. Plenty. Unending. And we had the most special time of giving thanks that I can recall ever at a Thanksgiving feast. We sat around the living room, some of us on the floor, sharing how God has been good to us. One talked about God’s comfort after the loss of a sister. Another shared thankfulness for the limited amount of sight he still has. Everyone had something to share about God’s goodness.

Well, we ate turkey sandwiches that night, and the next night we had another Thanksgiving meal with the leftovers. And then those plastic containers in my fridge and those foil-covered pie plates really started to become a nuisance. Any other time I would’ve savored a piece of pumpkin pie or a bowl full of sausage stuffing. But I was tired of it. And I learned it wasn’t just me. At church on Sunday I heard friends talking about how tired they were of turkey. They wanted chili, fast-food, anything other than the leftover turkey that was screaming “Eat me!” from the fridge.

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I’m a fan of involving young children in household chores. It all started one summer when I worked in a child care center. At mealtimes, different kids had different jobs: one would pass out napkins, another would use a hand broom, and another would use a Dust-buster to clean the floor, etc. I was impressed with what I saw. After all, it seems easier to just send a young child out of the room while you’re cleaning. Things get done a lot faster when you don’t have to take time to make sure a little one does it right. But I observed the benefits of teaching young children to help with chores. They really can be helpful, and they are beginning habits that will benefit them and you in the long run. And they love it! Young children consider it a high privilege to help Mommy work around the house. (Ever notice how popular toy vacuums, ironing boards, etc. are with young children? I’ve seen my daughter and another girl fighting over a toy iron…go figure!)

My three-year-old puts away the silverware (after I’ve removed the sharp stuff) once it’s been through the dishwasher. She’s very proud of her job and will even ask to stop eating breakfast if she thinks I’m going to do it without her. She’s also an excellent lettuce-tearer. So, that’s her job now. She can make her bed, put things in the trash, and help Mommy stir ingredients. And some of these things actually save me time.

Now my 2-year-old, on the other hand…..We’re still in the “it’s taking me more time to teach you how to do this right” phase. He doesn’t put away the silverware without supervision. I can handle it that he mixes all the utensils together instead of putting them in their right spots. But the fact that he thinks he needs to lick each item before putting it away…..that’s a little too much!